Hating Pregnant Women & Babies
I felt this needed to be addressed, to justify that I am not crazy. There is nothing more painful or upsetting than seeing a pregnant woman, seeing babies or friends announcing their pregnancies when you have been trying to conceive for so long. I see them and I hate them. Its probably wrong to say and maybe it makes me a bad person and maybe I should take the high road, but I can't. All I can think it why them, how is it fair, what can they offer that we can't? when we reached the year mark this was when it started to get the hardest, when I noticed my bitterness the most. Its an odd feeling for me, sometimes it makes me sad but mainly it makes me angry - an emotion I am not used to. I am generally a calm person who can keep my emotions in check and see things rationally. but the reality is I can't do that. Its too hard. I know I don't know what they have been through and I should be considerate and congratulate them. What I actually do is avoid them, like they have the plague. I do the bare minimum in conversations and I keep my head down. Some days I can handle it more than others but I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to deal with it but all I can do is what I think is best., to protect myself., one thing I am learning is to be a bit more selfish.