Preparing for a New Year and hopefully a new start...
I always take this time of year to reflect and prepare, this year it feels more important than ever. 2017 for us was a good year with more highs than lows and most importantly it gave us some answers. Next year is inevitably going to have a lot of challenges and I have taken this Christmas break to destress, unwind and get my head in the game. I am determined to take each challenge head on, I want to get over each hurdle one at a time and remain as positive as I can. Truth be told I am terrified about starting treatment, worried the hormones will mess with me and make me loopy! I keep telling Tom not to leave me if I go crazy (normally resulting in him rolling his eyes).
So in order to keep that positive attitude I have set myself 3 rules:
Gratitude jar – everyday I am going to write 1 thing I am grateful for and 1 thing I found difficult and put it in the jar, hopefully reminding me there is good in every day.
I am going to try at least 1 new thing a month – I need to have things to look forward to and I want to keep living life, so I am going to continue to push my boundaries.
Take 1 day at a time – seems obvious but I have an awful habit of over planning and putting pressure on myself. Although still planning things and having things to look forward to I want to just take each day as it comes and not overwhelm myself.
This all sounds great on paper so let’s so how it plays out in reality!
I got the idea for gratitude jar out of a magazine and you were supposed to write down 3 things you were grateful for and nothing bad, but I wanted it to be more realistic. The reality is there is at least 1 thing a day that’s a bit shit, whether related to fertility issues or not.
I have managed to book my next fertility appointment (had to give them a little nudge) for middle January, where I will see one of the nurses again and get my blood test results. Its good because I have had a crazy couple of cycles since my last appointment, they have been all over the place. Hopefully at this appointment we will get a plan of action and how we can move forward. I have also ordered a book on PCOS so I can read up and fully understand the condition, after all knowledge is power!
New Year also brings new diet. I hate diets but I want to get my BMI down so I can qualify for IVF if we get that far. I am going to follow the NHS guideline app on weightloss and eat the recommended calories per day to lose weight and start exercising. All I have to do now is find the courage to step on the scales on 1st January to know what my start point is...
I feel in great head space right now, the break from work has done me good, I’ve eaten my body weight in festive food and drank so much alcohol, but it felt much needed r&r. Tom and I have had some quality time together and have acknowledged we will both deal with this battle differently and therefore feel different things. For example, I carry a lot of guilt around like it’s all my fault we don’t have a baby and I seemed to have developed an irrational fear of Tom leaving me. Tom on the other hand is a little frustrated that people seem to be talking to me about our struggles rather than both of us, I think he feels left out, like people don’t think it affects him. I have tried to explain its probably because I am the one with the problem and because I shared the blog. I’m trying to convince Tom to write a piece for the blog to give his view, so watch this space…….